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Here follows captain McDougall's match report - gasp in awe as he bravely attempts to break the world record for the longest ever paragraph. Good to see that mindless enthusiasm still conquers all:
"'It's not the winning , it's the taking part' is not a saying that I treat with much respect - especially when applied to rugby. However , yesterday's game against the saints did seem to be all about taking part. On a gorgeous sunny clear sky afternoon , the hands could only put out 14 players. Due to reading weeks , work commitments and a 20th birthday party in Budapest , we were missing a large number of key members. The absence of 'Aki' and Johnny was easy to sense on the pitch. Yet we played , we knew it would be tough but we got stuck in and gave it a go- and we could have easily won ! The first ten minutes were totally dominated by the hands. The lack of width on stokes croft (the world's smallest pitch ever) was the only reason we didn't score at least five tries. Top performances from the entire pack in the early stages meant we were in total control , we soon forgot we were a man down. The lineout was the best it's ever been (bizarrely in Johnny's absence) which meant every time the saints kicked it out we were practically guaranteed possession. Guy Titman's throwing for a man who normally plies his trade at 7 was exceptional , as was the jumping of Teddy and Will ( not to mention the lifters!). However despite our set piece domination , the man advantage in the backs made the difference. In all fairness the saints were a good side from a good breed ( I think almost every player was an ex public school boy) , certainly Hustler seemed to know a fair few. All this meant we not only had a hard fought forwards battle ( we tried to keep it in the forwards as much as we could as the backs , a man down , were , as you'd expect , getting turned over 80% of the time ) but also some great banter. Please don't think though that this was some sort of silly posh boys muck around. The blood was spilling , Fred Hustler , sporting the sort of facial wound you'd expect to see in a riot between the fans of Boca Juniors and River Plate. Teddy and Tom ( a new addition) both received nasty rakings whilst my legs today look like I slept on a bed of broken glass. However we gave out some treatment ourselves, big Sean absolutely snapped a newly brought on centre early in the second half whilst Guy Titman typically destroyed people around the fringes , his trademark being the 'WOOP' sound produced as his shoulder buries itself in a gut. Although we lost , we did in many ways play well, everyone coming out with some sort of positive- Fred Million , fantastic at 15 , calmly dealt with tricky kicks back in to the 22 all day , often running the ball straight back and making space. Fred was great , he was always involved and could have scored countless times , especially right at the end with some fine support running off Fred Hustler. Chris Manners , who thought he was playing 9 and then went to into the pack (he is 6'3) was brilliant. He is a very clever player and puts in some very important tackles. Dave Brewer at 10 was fabulous in open play , trying his best to create despite being a man down. His touch kicking was accurate and effective. Chris Bauer on the left wing didn't see as much of the ball as he would have liked ( in fact the only time it came to him was a forward pass) but he was strong in defence on a difficult day. Keir Chastney our newest centre (he also happens to be my flatmate) was our main attacking threat , the sheer size of his arms was enough to put the centres off wanting to take him down. Nicknamed 'guns' , he played very well. Will Pickles had a great game at 9 , a quiet player but always involved and wise tactically. I hope he will stick around to be Aaron's understudy or even take up a spot on the wing? Best wishes to you if you're reading Aaron , I hope you get better soon squire. A burst appendix on the dancefloor is never a pleasure. Well done also to Charlie , an out and out prop , his lifting at 1 gave Ted great air. Unfortunately he couldn't exert his energy in the scrum ( they were uncontested due to inexperienced front row courtesy of the saints) as he loves to do. He got stuck into pretty much every single ruck there was , it is clear he loves the close physical side of the game. Sean not only put in huge hits but carried exceptionally well also. The sight of him charging towards the defensive line off a quick tap is inspiring to say the least. More interesting are the faces of the poor guys that have to try and tackle him! Well done Tom who was ' a right little *unt' at 7. Not a small guy by any means ran some top supportive lines and seemed to be ( just like Charlie) at every ruck and maul that was going. Well done to all concerned and thanks for your efforts. The man advantage was always going to tell in the backs - that's where the tries were scored.I enjoyed it hugely."
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