Profiles: Parkinson, Parkinson, Ward, Koenig

Master (Young) Henry Parkinson

'Young' Henry Parkinson is a large centre who used to play second row. He had a solid first season for the Hands, but this year he has lost a lot of bulk and has gained several yards of pace, making his running all the more impressive. However, as his photo shows, he needs a great deal of practice at his drinking games. His hobbies include finding adults to permit him to speak in public, and being Young. We once went to watch really fit strippers for free but Henry had to miss it because he was receiving a medal for being in the Navy. Congratulations Henry.

Hugo Parkinson is the elder and slimmer of the Parkinson brothers. He played only a couple of games for the Hands during the 98-99 season due to injury, but he was been a revelation the following season, making the switch to no. 8 with style and panache. Hugo is clearly battered in this picture. Next to him can be seen the mantlepiece which he later so enthusiastically broke during a frantic game of headmaster - we haven't ventured back since. Hugo is a 'cured' Engineer, although we try not to mention it - nevertheless, one of Hugo's hobbies is car maintenance (no, really).

Known as ‘Little Hugo’ by the Hands, but this is in only comparison to Hugo Parkinson, and has no bearing at all on the size of his old chap, oh no. Hugo has made the scrum-half position his own, and will probably keep Wilder out of the side next season, due to his impressive vision and accurate passing. An aberration within the Hands in that he is relatively successful with the ladies, and he has even been known to pull in Wedgies before midnight. In true hands style, Hugo's pre-match preparation tends to involve a visit to the Wedge, although the joke was on him at the end of the season, when during one such pre-match warm-up, he buggered up his hands by putting them througha door. A real asset for next season.

Gunther Koenig churns out high-tackles with ruthless efficiency - to watch the man in defence is not unlike watching a face-hugger out of 'Aliens’ (The same might be said of Dave in Wedgies, although in a different way). Gunther plays rugby with the sort of aggression that started two world wars. He began this season in the back row against Robb College, but has bedded down in the second row with a great deal of success. His fitness is phenomenal due to his recent conversion from rowing, and he is often quicker around the park than some of the back row. Has some funny ideas about warm ups.