Douglas Pickles

Full Name: Douglas Foster Pickles Debut: Vets, Autumn 1999 Honours: Vice-captain 1999-2000; Intra-mural league winner 2000; Teddy’s 10s winner 2003; Tallinn 10s winner 2005; Man of Tour Tallinn 2005; Teddy’s 7s plate winner 2005 Tries: 3

Stressed-out skin-flaking somnabulist-excretor and performing monkey Douglas Pickles is a keen lover of all types of animals. Doug takes his collection of fleas everywhere with him, and he is a twenty-first century St Francis of Assisi as far as bacteria, viruses and other single-celled organisms are concerned – they are allowed to proliferate all over him in perfect sanctuary. To Doug’s great chagrin, every single profile of Doug that your correspondent has ever written over the years has featured some sort of reference to Doug being a homosexual – but we’ve all grown out of that sort of silliness now, eh boys and girls? There’s nothing at all wrong with being gay. Doug is often in breach of section 66(1) of the Sexual Offences Act 2003. Doug is a Scotsman, which is strange as drunkenness, belligerence, being morose and hating the English are utterly foreign to this man’s sunny disposition. Doug plays flanker.